Compassion isn't what we often think it is, its not the soft squishy thing we often hear about in movies or simply assume. So many of us don't actually know what it is because we haven't been taught. We've been taught not to be soft and we assume compassion is soft, it's not. There is a tough side to compassion. A side that requires courage. It doesn't mean giving in to anything, it means doing the right thing when things get tough, it means helping people out when they are struggling, it is standing up for what is right but doing so in a way that is nevertheless kind. It also means doing those same things for ourselves, it is not selfish it is caring for yourself when you need it. It is caring for yourself so you can help others when they need it. You can be kind and firm, you can set boundaries and say no while remaining kind and compassionate to yourself and to others.
In short compassion is recognizing suffering either in yourself or in others and then taking some form of action to alleviate that suffering. Even if that action seems small like listening, or simply being present, cooking a meal or taking somebody out for a tea, the small things matter. So it requires that you be aware and mindful to be able to recognize suffering, it requires that you have some form of understanding that we all want the same basic things in life, that we all suffer in some way and that we all want to NOT suffer and we want to be happy. Finally compassion differs from empathy in that it's altruistic nature means you feel compelled to do something meaningful to alleviate that suffering.
Compassion requires four conditions otherwise it is some other feeling or expression such as sympathy or empathy. Those four conditions as first suffering must be present, the second mindfulness is required in order to be conscious and aware of the suffering, third a sense of what is referred to as common humanity which is the recognition that all humans suffer and all human want to be free from suffering and in this way we are all the same, this then leads to the fourth condition which is action, the motivation to do something to alleviate that suffering.
The expression of compassion may begin with empathy and it then evolves or matures into compassion. While there is a lot of benefit from empathy it is also possible to have too much empathy. When somebody becomes stuck in empathy they end up feeling what the other person is feeling, this is the basis for the fatigue people often feel or what is more properly called empathic distress. There is substantial research that can now explain the neuroscientific basis for empathy and its difference from compassion. Neuroscience has clearly identified that these two emotions are expressed in two very different areas of the brain as identified by fMRI brain imaging research.
So compassion is misunderstood, it is not taught well but there is a growing community of teachers and ambassadors. There is now substantial research that supports compassion as an effective practice, research that clearly shows how it is very different from empathy, how you can benefit from practicing compassion. There are courses and teachers who write and teach how you can learn about compassion and discover what works for you and how to tailor a compassion practice to suit your needs. I am one of those ambassadors of compassion.
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